Pop Out the Paternity Tests
by lunar mischief
Summary: When Pepper Potts witnesses the death of a marine, the NCIS crew comes to investigate. And if Tony (Stark, not Dinozzo) wasn't as overprotective as he was neurotic, that might have been it. Or: hahaha 2am fic ideas are the best.


**I know what you're thinking: I've started another story. But I promise West Italy and DWMAA are not dead. They will be returning...one day. Until then, enjoy!**

**MoonClaimed takes my icky messes and makes them into wonderful things, so thanks much, dear!**

**I own nothing.**

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><p>Very Special Agent Tony Dinozzo's eyebrows shot up when he caught sight of his teammate exiting the elevator. "Oh my god," he whispered giddily, not believing his eyes. It was like Christmas.<p>

Ziva hummed in curiosity and followed the senior detective's gaze. Upon laying eyes on Tim, she quickly hid her mouth behind her hand in an attempt to stifle her laugh.

"Don't say anything," Tim demanded, walking briskly past both of them to his desk, obviously avoiding their gazes.

"Aw, don't be like that, McGoo," Tony cooed, flashing him a smile. "We love you no matter what you are."

"Tony-"

"Get your gear," Gibbs commanded, striding into the bullpen and tossing Tony the keys. "We've got a…" His words died down when he caught sight of Tim. Not many things rendered the man speechless, but this… Tim's cheeks flushed red and he quickly looked down, averting his eyes. "McGee," he asked, finally, dreading the answer. "Why is your hair pink?"

And pink it was. Not a light pink or even a dusty rose. It was unmanly as they come and as bright as a highlighter.

Tim turned – if it was even possible – redder. "W-well, you see boss," he stammered, "there was a slight mix up at the salon and, they, um, they-"

Gibbs rolled his eyes and walked away. "Kid could light up a Christmas tree," he muttered as he stepped into the elevator.

"Salon, McGee?" Tony grinned. This new information would certainly last the car drive.

"Beauty salons do service both male and female clients, Tony," Ziva stepped in.

"Thank you, Ziva." Tim nodded in appreciation for the assist.

"However, the males are usually homosexuals," the Israeli smirked before leaving the pen with a laughing Tony.

"I'm not gay!" Tim yelled from his desk.

A passing janitor glanced over at the fluorescent haired man and chuckled. "Sure you ain't."

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><p>The crime scene itself was nothing special – a dead marine with two bullet holes in the chest in the middle of a parking lot. There was even a witness, and, boy, was she a looker. A tall, skinny, redhead with a beautiful face. Tony couldn't wait to go over and speak to her – women always needed a shoulder to lean on to get themselves through this type of thing, and Tony was just the man to do it.<p>

"Special Agent Tony Dinozzo at your service," he announced as he walked over, whipping off his sunglasses in a fluid motion. Chicks dug that stuff.

It was only when she turned to him that he realized how unnaturally composed she seemed to be. While most women could barely form a sentence and needed to sit down, her expression was more of a just-another-day-at-the-office.

"Pepper Potts," she smiled, reaching out and shaking the agent's hand.

"So, Miss Potts," Tony said, a little put-off by her demeanor, but he was sure he could still make it work. He was a Dinozzo, after all. "Can you tell me about what you saw?"

Wait a minute, wasn't Pepper Potts the name of some bigwig at Stark Industries? He quickly brushed off the thought. There was no way; that would be ridiculous.

Pepper opened her mouth to answer, but was distracted when she caught sight of another agent. "Is his hair pink?" Tony grinned, glancing at his fellow agent, but before he could let out a witty response, her phone went off. She glanced at the caller ID quick. "Sorry, I _really_ need to take this." She walked a few paces away, taking a deep breath before picking up. "I'm fine, I'm fine!" she said immediately upon answering. "I'm just a witness, it's nothing – no, I _don't_ want you to suit up-"

"Oh my god. Boss, boss!" Tony glanced away from Pepper over to where Gibbs was standing, McGee batting him with his hand as he gaped at Pepper. "It's Pepper Potts. It's _the_ Pepper Potts."

"That supposed to mean something to me?" the lead agent asked.

"She's the CEO of Stark Industries! Boss, you've got to let me talk to her. Please, boss, please!"

"Just try not to drool on her."

"Thanks, boss!" Tim called over his shoulder, already jogging over to meet up with Tony. "I owe you one!"

"You owe me a lot more than that," Gibbs muttered under his breath, turning to locate his ME for some sane conversation.

"-No, I said don't-" Pepper groaned. "He hung up."

"Is everything okay, Miss Potts?" Tony asked.

"Everything's great," she laughed in a way that clearly said otherwise. "My boyfriend's coming because he's stupidly overprotective, which means there will be another thing I need to clean up, which means another press conference, and I really don't have time for that this week!"

"Miss Potts," Tim breathed, finally having made it over to her. "Let me just say what an honor it is to- did you just say Tony Stark is coming?" He grabbed onto Tony's shoulder to catch himself.

"Iron Man's coming?" Tony asked gleefully.

"Yes – no – Iron Man had better _not_be coming. Tony had better show up _in the flesh or I swear to god I'll-_" Pepper took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, is there another place we could do this? Somewhere not so public in case my idiot of a boyfriend decides to crash land here?"

"Of-of course, Miss Potts," Tim stammered, still star struck. "Right this way." The two agents led her over to their car. While only one of them needed to accompany her back to HQ, neither of them wanted to leave her, and Tony was pretty sure Ziva could handle the scene. He'd just make sure there was a fresh coffee on his boss' desk for when he returned, and he should be fine. Maybe.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name," Pepper said once they had piled into the automobile, snapping Tony out of his thoughts.

"Timothy. Timothy McGee. But you can call me Tim. I mean, if you want to."

"It' a pleasure to meet you, Tim." Pepper couldn't help but smile at the man's bashfulness.

Tim blinked and turned to Tony, eyes wide. "She said my name!" he whispered loudly, too excited to really keep it down.

A soft grunt was heard when Tony head-slapped his partner. "You'll have to excuse McGeek over here. He's…well he's a special one."

"Tony, show some respect. Pepper Potts is incredible! She went from being a PA to the CEO of the top technology firm in the world, raising both stocks and public opinions of the company, even in its hardest times!"

Pepper smiled at him. "Thank you, Tim."

Agent McGee stared at her over the seat with a goofy love struck smile. "She said my name again."

Pepper paused before answering slowly. "Yes, I did." Because really, what else can you say to that?

They had just passed through the security checkpoint when a metal man appeared in front of them, and the car screeched to a halt.

"Oh my god; it's him," Tim drooled. "It's Iron Man."

Two small turrets popped up from his shoulders, aimed at the car. "Release Miss Potts. Now."

"Look at the miniaturized missiles," Tim breathed, mesmerized. "Look, look! You're not looking!"

"No, I'm not looking at the things that are about to kill us," Tony said through clenched teeth.

"But it'll be Iron Man killing us!"

"Pepper?" The senior field agent turned to face the woman in the back, seeking some sanity. Clearly his partner was a lost cause.

"I swear to god, if he blows up another car this month, he's sleeping on the couch," Pepper huffed.

Tony blinked, nodded to himself, and turned back to face the superhero. Today seemed like a good day to die.


End file.
